


pineapples are in my head

by cracklesnaple



Series: mcyt shorts [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ! based off of the December 27th streams proceed with caution!, Angst, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicide, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), ah yes the trinity of angst tags, it doesn't happen Tommy's just having a rough time, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cracklesnaple/pseuds/cracklesnaple
Summary: The conversation between Technoblade and Dream won't leave his head and Tommy is starting to believe his destiny is to be betrayed by everyone he knows. Tommy just wants a break from it all.
Relationships: there is only pain here
Series: mcyt shorts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094585
Comments: 15
Kudos: 441





	pineapples are in my head

**Author's Note:**

> (remember, this is a story of the character the content creator's portray on the dsmp, not the creators themselves!! don't send any hate or anything of the sort to them, they're all friends irl and it's just roleplay!!)
> 
> Yes, I speedran this fic because I have /feelings/ about today's stream. Plz mind the tags this one is a doozy!
> 
> Now Playing:  
> Pork Soda by Glass Animals  
> July by Noah Cyrus  
> Since I Saw Vienna by Wilbur Soot  
> So Cold by Ben Cocks  
> Silhouette by Aquilo  
> Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery  
> I Have Questions by Matt Fretwell

_“Tommy I need you to come with me or I’ll burn your discs.”_

_“He’s with me. Unless you decide you want to cash in that favor.”_

_“I have other plans for that favor. You get to live, Tommy. For now.”_

The conversation plays on repeat in Tommy’s mind. Unwanted and unwelcome but it’s still there, always at the edge of his mind. It’s been a few days since he and Technoblade had taken Connor hostage for some of Techno’s weapons back, but it feels like years. After they got back to the cottage, Tommy had walked for hours before finally collapsing to his knees to watch the sunset.

Desperately, Tommy tries to push the conversation away, tries to block it from his memories. But, unlike his time in Logstedshire when he would go numb for days on end, his mind allows him no break. The voices of his brother temporary partner and his abuser keeps him awake long hours into the night. Until the sun starts to rise and another day is upon him.

Tommy wishes for nothing more than a break, an end to all the betrayal and suffering he’s experienced in his short life. He thought that, for once, someone was willing to stand by him, to help him, but he guesses that was stupid of him. Why would anyone willingly help the problem child he is. The child who always starts fights and causes problems for everyone all the time. ~~(Who has fought in countless wars by his sixteenth birthday, who has given up lives and blood and everything important to him for a nation that doesn’t want him and people who don’t care about him.)~~

With heavy limbs and a numbness that starts to spread throughout his mind, Tommy makes his way up into the cottage. It’s too early for even Technoblade to be up, the sun has barely risen past the horizon, but Tommy knows he’s not getting anymore sleep. He grabs a stack of golden apples out of a chest, unable to keep his nimble fingers at bay in his hazy state of mind, and makes his way outside.

It’s only when the frigid air of the tundra hits bare skin that Tommy realizes he forgot to grab his cloak before leaving his little hole, but he can’t find it in him to care. Icicles settle into his limbs as he trudges to his cobblestone tower ~~(he wishes he could go to the very top and feel the wind around him as he falls)~~ that looms above him in a strange, comforting way.

The stone freezes against his back, clad only in a basic cotton t-shirt when he presses against it. His legs are spread out in front of him, protected from the harsh snow by a pair of similar cotton trousers and he had enough space of mind to tie his boots onto his feet before leaving the cottage.

He stares at the snow covered mountains in front of him for what feels like hours, his mind swirling with thoughts of what to do now. When Technoblade first discovered Tommy underneath his house and showed him the secret room with all of the wither skulls, the boy had let himself believe that _maybe_ the man would help him with no ulterior motives. Now, it seems as if Techno is willing to throw Tommy right back to that manipulative green bastard at the slightest of offers.

That thought alone terrifies Tommy more than words can describe. Even the idea of Dream getting his claws back on him makes his skin crawl violently and nausea rises to his throat. It had only been about three months since Tommy had escaped Logstedshire and Dream but he can still feel the bruises from his hits whenever he made the man mad and still has the scars from his blade from whenever he misbehaved.

Just when things seem to be going well, when Tommy finally forgets the horrors he’s been put through and his time on that godforsaken island even for a moment, Techno moves too close too fast and he finds himself scrambling to take his armor off, pleads and sorry’s on the edge of his tongue. When he can’t stop himself from pocketing a stack of ender pearls because the constant need for an escape path overwhelms him at times and Technoblade shouts at him to the point where Tommy’s mind shuts down and his ears start ringing. On those days, it takes hours for him to come back to himself, curled up in a tight ball in his makeshift bed while the cold from the basement presses in on him.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” A gruff voice demands from above him, effectively startling Tommy from his spiraling thoughts. Tommy hates himself for the violent flinch the words cause him, arms insticelvy raising to protect his head. He refuses to look Techno in the eyes ~~(Dream always hated it when Tommy did that)~~ and, instead, his gaze focuses on the blinding white snow beneath him.

Now that he is broken out of his thoughts, the cold pierces his nerves and the pain travels up the span of his legs and where his fingers are buried in the snow. Tommy shakes his hand out, trying to get rid of the pins and needles in it.

“Just felt like it,” Tommy chooses to reply with, instead of telling Techno the real reasons. Ever since his conversation with Dream ~~_(Shut up Tommy! The adults are talking)_~~ Tommy knows he can’t trust Technoblade anymore. He’s not even sure why he chose to trust the piglin hybrid in the first place. (But he knows why. Knows, in a deep part of his brain, that he was and is desperate for someone, anyone, to care for him, even if it’s not healthy).

He hears Technoblade snort but he can’t tell if it’s angry or simply exasperated. Tommy doesn’t want to know. Something heavy is thrown onto his head and his heart rate spikes, his hands go clammy even in the freezing cold. But it’s just his cloak, the one Phil had made for him before L’Manburg forced him under house arrest.

Tommy doesn’t like to think about Phil, in all honesty. It’s a fact that he hates about himself so he pushes it so far down and prays it gets buried. It never does, but that’s nothing new to Tommy. Nothing ever goes right for him, so why complain. He feels jealous of Phil, no matter how hard he tries not to. But Phil has Techno and Techno has Phil. The two have been together since before Tommy joined the smp. No matter how shit things get or who betrays them, they’ll always have each other to fall back on. And Tommy wants. Wants so bad to have that that it pushes on his lungs until he wakes up choking and drives blades into his heart with every thought.

He thought he had that with Tubbo. His best friend, partner in crime, together through everything and anything, regardless of what happens. Tommy was proven wrong though, as he usually is, when he’s forced out of the nation he’s sacrificed _everything_ for by the last person he trusts. And suddenly, his world caves in on itself and he no longer has anything to live for.

His frozen fingers wrap the cloak around his body, providing only the barest amounts of warmth and he stands up. Tommy uses the stone pillar as a crutch when his legs shake and wobble beneath him and backs away from Techno’s offered hand. An exasperated look flits across Technoblade’s face and Tommy is almost certain he’s about to leave so he doesn’t have to deal with him but, surprisingly, he stays.

“Wanna help with the chores today?” Techno asks instead and Tommy nods. It’s better for him to have something to do than to let his thoughts get too loud.

Tommy throws himself into the work until his fingers refuse to move from the frigid air and exhaustion weighs heavily on his shoulders. He knows, even though he can barely keep his eyes open, he won’t be getting any sleep later.

He feels so, so alone. Even with Technoblade working next to him, he feels the familiar feeling of loneliness seep into his bones until it’s all he knows. Maybe Techno was right. Maybe heroes don’t get a happy ending. Maybe Tommy was doomed to a life of hell from the moment he was born.

Maybe he deserves it.

**Author's Note:**

> Me projecting onto Tommy because of today's stream? More likely than you think. Yeah, I'm writing this instead of my other fic atm but I needed to get this out before it's irrelevant. 
> 
> Also (bit of a rant), as someone who was manipulated by their best friend of many years, I hardcore relate to Tommy's character very much which is the main reason I wrote this, ngl. The whole part where Techno was willing to let Dream take Tommy because of the "favor" rubbed me the wrong way. I wish I could say I'm a Technoblade apologist but I am a Tommy apologist first and foremost and I will not hesitate to throw hands if Techno is willing to give Tommy back to his abuser just because of a favor. 
> 
> Rant over!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you all liked it! Stay safe and Love you! <3 [twitter](https://twitter.com/cracklesnapple1)


End file.
